saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
