who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The air was thick with penises
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
