My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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