He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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