i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
