I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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