Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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