do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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