i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
