Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize