My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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