someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Terrible idea I love it
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
