i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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