dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
