o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
