i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize