I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
