I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
