last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
