Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
