Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
