I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
