life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
