ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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