After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
