so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
