Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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