The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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