I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
