Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize