It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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