Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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