im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
