the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
