It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
