apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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