I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
