Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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