Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
