Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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