Well douche your snatch and let's go!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
