is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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