I think my fart just growled at me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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