boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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