Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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