Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
