Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
