Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
