Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
