I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
