Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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