My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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