No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
