Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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