I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize