doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
