I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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