He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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