apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
