Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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