When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize