Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
