I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I fill condoms, not promises.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
