Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
