I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
