U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
