New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
