I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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