Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
