He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
