This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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