I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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