proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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