there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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