Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
