I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize