Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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