No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize