I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize