So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
