Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
