i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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