I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He shit in the fireplace
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
