I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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