it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
