i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
