Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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