So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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