with your own penis?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
